How To Breathe Life Into Your Boring Business Copy

or How Charlie Sheen Can Help You Write “Winning” Business Copy

You’ve likely heard the radio commercial touting a program to get your kids to pay attention to you. The narrator guarantees that, by simply asking questions and giving directives in a different way, “you, too can get your child to listen”. Sure, you have to part with $19.95 of your hard earned cash, but this program will reap bountiful returns, we’re assured. The principle is built on the theory that if you can entertain the subject or relay your message in a more palatable way, you can make your point without being ignored.

As the cheapest man in the world, I refuse to part with $19.95, but that hasn’t stopped me from testing this theory, first at home and then at the office. And the results were pretty impressive.

I’ve got a couple of kids in college, neither of whom feel the need to connect with their parents unless under extreme duress. In other words, when their credit card is maxed out. After several unsuccessful attempts to get them to return my emails and phone calls, I employed this new technique.

Instead of sending an email with a substantive subject line, I took what I had always considered to be the low road. I sent the latest viral video from a marginally talented South Korean pop star.

And my email was answered.

The fact is, it doesn’t matter whether your student is at Harvard or the University of Antigua, in med school or technical school, he or she knows the chubby South Korean who calls himself “Psy”. Finally, after trying without luck for 20 years, I was speaking their language (bonus points for anyone who can tell me what that language is after hearing the Mr. Psy’s “song”).

Now, to test this at the office…

One of my daily responsibilities is to write copy for the company blog. This job is inherently difficult, made even harder by the nature of our business. We develop anti-virus software. Embedding a video is fine, but embedding a virus won’t make us any friends.

Since no one had actually read a post on our blog since 1989, I thought that if I could only grab the viewer’s attention with the headline, then perhaps I can pique their interest enough to get them to read on. From there, I’ll employ this simple technique used earlier with my kids.

While I hadn’t completely fleshed out how I would do this, “Psy” had taught me one important lesson. While people may need “The Wall Street Journal”, they crave “Entertainment Tonight”.

And so, my best post to date was born.

The article, written from the perspective of Charlie Sheen, received more visits then any other post on our site up to that point. The premise was simple. No one in the western world has more experience with viruses then Charlie Sheen. Just ask “the goddesses”. With a carefully placed mention of our latest anti-virus product placed tastefully within, it accomplished everything I hoped it would.

In short, here’s what I learned. One can breathe life into an otherwise dry subject by simply relating it to a cultural curiosity or current event. Don’t be afraid to take the “low road”. No one will think less of you, particularly after they see the stats from your latest post. In addition, your kids might even answer your emails without asking for money.

Now, that’s winning.

Richard Rossi is a guest blogger, father of two, and the world’s oldest living fan of South Korean pop star “Psy”

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